I Cant Be.

I cant be there to hold you,
I cant be the other,
I cant be oh so sober,
I cant be a good lover.

Broken bottle glass carpets the floor as I wake,
Realizing my life is too worthless for anyone to take,
Body scarred, mind damaged, and my soul is torn,
In a derelict room, always feeling forlorn,
I wish for my dreams to somehow be alive,
This reality is too harsh, it's burning my own mind,
Is it the insanity, the alcohol or drugs,
That has made me wanna finally just give up?,
I'm holding to the edge with only one hand,
I can sense yours reaching me but see it I cant,
I'm in that valley they say is between life and death,
But I cant move to either side, I dont know what's best,
I guess I'll simply survive, live as I may,
Not giving a fuck to what my unloved ones say,
So I take another sip of my poison, then,
I look back to the paper and re-grab the pen.

I cant be there to hold you,
I cant be the other,
I cant be oh so sober,
I cant be a good lover.

I wish I could change my lifestyle, believe me,
But Satan's gt a hold on me, tryna deceive me,
He needs me, and I need you, but rely on him,
Sold my soul for lust, and he has my supply of sin,
I love you, and it hurts, so I need a distraction,
But an orgasm doesnt equate to mental satisfation,
And intoxication is a ruse, it has no meaning,
Nor does a pause in feelings as I watch myself bleeding,
I'm weakening, and nothing can stop me fading away,
But I know this is what happens wen you like saving the day,
I would try to fight, but what's the point wen you're not here?
And if I die, still I know that we'll not be near,
I lived for you, and I'll die for you like you did for me,
Like Romeo & Juliet except we'll not meet in eternity,
Crushed, I keep happy thoughts of you on my brain,
So it's your essence I'm injecting meanwhile in my vein.

I cant be there to hold you,
I cant be the other,
I cant be oh so sober,
I cant be a good lover.

Perhaps I'll always be an inadequate lover,
Maybe I'll die the killer, maybe I'll feel like my mother,
It's unimportant, but I'll die a guilt-ridden writer,
I put down the ink blade, and pull out the hidden lighter,
Stumble off the chair, sip toxic, and pour it on the floor,
Rip the poems up, it joins the alcohol, they dont need to exist anymore,
The shadows around me look at each other in surprise,
After yrs of torment, my death will be their demise,
My body is burning outta anticipation but I'm shivering,
I cool it down with alcohol till my skin is glistening,
There is no fear, just guilt evaporating into calm,
'Cause I'm avenging your death, and it'll put an end to the harm,
I sit on the chair again and clasp your letter in my hand,
The demons standing around me, they dont yet seem to understand,
I close my eyes and dream as the alcohol meets the flame,
There's pain, but not as much as wen I would live in the shade.